How our work friends see us, and why it matters
Conference Table with sign that reads ‘Goodbye Friends’
Friendships formed on the job are often forged out of common values. Those friendships are strengthened as you work on a shared purpose or through shared challenges, whether you’re serving clients or students together, designing initiatives or products, or sharing a collective sense of being in the trenches.
What’s so important about work friendships is that they see you -- a version of yourself -- that the people closest to you don’t see. They see you at vulnerable moments: giving a presentation, getting called on in a meeting, or struggling with difficult feedback. They also see you when you shine, including accomplishing something meaningful or getting recognition for your contributions.
In hybrid and remote work, though, we lose the ability to form these critical work and personal relationships. We used to build relationships around the water cooler, outside the conference room, in the courtyard on a sunny day – but our environments have changed.
Why work friendships matter
While there are certainly huge benefits to working remotely, there are also tangible losses, and research shows that it matters.
We spend an average of 90,000 hours at work during our lifetime. It takes 90 to 200 hours to form a deep friendship, and once we’re outside of school, that dedicated time just doesn’t exist, except at work. It makes sense then that Americans reported that the workplace is where adults are most likely to make friends.
Having a ‘best friend’ at work is a significant predictor of workplace engagement, innovation and job success.
Since the pandemic, having a best friend at work is even more important because of the profound and often traumatic events during that period of time.
Creating space for work friends in a hybrid world
Who believes in you more than your work friends? They’ve seen what you’ve accomplished, encouraged you to go for the promotion – and often see the organizational hurdles in between where you are and what you want. Their insights and perspectives are incredibly valuable.
In a world where we’ve lost the opportunity to build deep connections in person, we can instead be intentional about creating space for them:
Reflect on friendships you’ve forged at work, including the laughs you’ve shared, the shoulders you’ve cried on, and meaningful relationships you’ve formed during your career.
Think about how much time we want to be with people in person. How many times in a week or month do you want to schedule time to work together?
What would it look like to re-establish these connections? Would you want to create space for this in the office or outside of the office?
If you’re thinking about your future career, what would your ideal work situation be, and how would you make the time and space to build work relationships.
We have fewer opportunities now for forming these meaningful relationships, but when we’re in the middle of our careers (and the middle of our lives), these friendships can matter more than ever. We don’t want to lose out on an opportunity to build formative bonds and deep connections that can help us in our work and in our lives.
If you’re missing out on connection or friendship at work, reach out. We can brainstorm ways to get clarity on what matters most, and how to go about getting it.