Getting to the root of our work pain
Fun fact about me: I love annotating the hell out of books. Give me a set of highlighters, a pen, sticky notes and a great non-fiction book, and I am here for it.
I recently picked up Dr. Faith G. Harper’s workbook, Unf*ck Your Brain: Using science to get over anxiety, depression, anger, freak-outs and triggers. While I’m not a therapist, it’s clear this book is intended to work across a range of disciplines.
“We are way more likely to get better if we know why we are having a certain problem rather than just focusing on the symptoms.”
This quote feels like a #CaptainObvious moment, but it resonated big time. Here’s why.
When I was in my heyday of chronic neck pain, I didn’t care why I was in pain. I just wanted to feel better, and I wanted to not feel like I was broken. A chiropractor telling me to do chin tucks felt insulting, manual physical therapy felt amazing but was unstainable, and acupuncture offered a lovely nap but didn’t solve it either. At some point, I decided there must be something really wrong with me, and I better figure out what it was. One doctor diagnosed me as ‘hypermobile’ with ‘weak hip muscles.’ That felt both helpful and discouraging – a diagnosis disguised as a back-handed compliment and something my high school gym teacher could have told me.
To cut this long-story short, “why” I was feeling pain was a combination of stress, burnout and anxiety – plus posture, muscle tone, yadda yadda – taking a physical toll on my body. Once I let myself accept my pain, stopped judging myself for being in pain, and truly got curious about why it was happening, that’s when things started to change.
And that’s where I see a parallel with our work lives.
Getting to the root of our work pain
When you feel stuck or burnt out 30 to 40+ hours a week, you feel shitty and you just want that feeling to go away. Right now, that’s where too many of us are. As a result, we try to get out of pain by looking for a technical solution:
If only I could translate my skill set…
I know I need to update my resume…
Maybe I’ll go back to grad school…
These can all feel like clear, straightforward paths to a new job, a different career, less pain or a better life. They are the chiropractors, PTs and acupuncturists of this story. They will provide relief and reassurance that you’re taking the “right” steps to fix what’s wrong. But they’re not the whole story. You have to know why you’re having the problem in your job – or your career – in the first place.
Are you working in a field that you used to love, but you’ve lost interest in?
Have all the re-orgs at your company over the years pushed you into a role that you don’t know how to do? (or don’t care to do?)
Is your life outside of work so full that you don’t have the same amount of energy and stamina you once had?
Is the culture at your organization – or the person you report to – toxic?
All of these scenarios are morally neutral. None of them mean that you –as a person or worker – are broken, lacking or lost. If anything, by having years of work and life experience, you’ve gained so much valuable knowledge and perspective to inform your next steps.
But you need to first accept the pain you’re in, release any self-judgment you’re holding, and truly get curious about your feelings and why you are where you are. To go back to Dr. Hardy, you have to get to the root of the problem.
And you don’t have to do it alone. You also don’t have to get pre-approval from a doctor, a manager, a spouse or your parents – you just have to reach out. I can help you figure out why you are feeling stuck, and from that point, we work together to get crystal clear on what work means for you. That means that when you’re home, you’ll be the person you want to be for your kids, your partner and your friends. When you find more joy in your work, you can find more joy in your life.
Needing support to get to the root of your work pain, let’s chat!